September 15, 2011
-
In a Nutshell
I'm pretty sure this phase of life is like hitting the famous "Wall" 20 miles into a marathon. No more signs, no more warm hugs from God, no more "nothing but future" worldview. People leave, your heart gets broken. And if you thought a broken heart was unbearable when you were younger, just wait till it happens later.
Choices you made a quarter century ago come home to roost, important people start dying around you, and there aren't any shortcuts. This is where you gotta show what you're made of, all by yourself.
And so, muthas, that's what I'm doing. I've seen enough of what I'm made to know this much: it damn sure ain't gingerbread.
Comments (30)
I'm gonna say this is more like rounding the corner at mile 16. You're too far to go back, nowhere near close enough to the end, it's boring as hell and all you see in front of you is a lot more of the same.
I'm really super glad you aren't made of gingerbread.
Keep on trucking.
Well, if you ain't damn gingerbread (which is your loss, 'cause that shit is so tasty), you are probably a mooncake. Search it up!
Yep. It ain't for the weak.
Lately I've been considering my own consistency. Baked sand, perhaps.
@ordinarybutloud - sounds spot on. not being a runner i probably should have compared it to mile 85 in a 135 mile bicycle race.
rage against the dying of the light for me phil, i'm tired and scared and (deleted)
you're made out of stronger stuff than i am.
for i can run, just as fast as i can
but i can't seem to escape the fact
i am just a gingerbread man.
@aaronmcnees - hey aaron. yes you can. you have a heart, dude. and so do i. this makes it hard on us, but it doesn't make us gingerbread. it makes us bigger and tougher and more resilient than the most hardened stoic. hell, stoicism is the easy way out. it's a ventricular assist device for people who can't handle their own a heartbeat.
you're no gingerbread man.
,#
@complicatedlight -
thanks phil
things been harder lately than usual.
prolly the same all over
and over
again.
@aaronmcnees - you and me both, buddy. we gotta meet up someday.
in a nutshell = <3
@aaronmcnees - if you can still run, then you just have to decide whether you are running from or running to. running to is a heck of a lot more fun. and you don't run the risk of getting eaten by a fox. incidentally, the gingerbread man had a lot of spunk.
my theory which is my theory is chaos theory rulz; throw in some frogs and snails and puppy dog fairy tales; keep on keepin' on
<3
@an_OM_aly - back at ya, linda.
<3
oh boy..i agree to this..love to you sweet phil!!
Reading the writings of somebody dealing with this stuff, sometimes struggling with it more and sometimes less, and still coming out sensitive and un-cynical as you are... well, it gives me hope, Bear, for sensitive types like me.
@complicatedlight - the farthest I've ever ridden a bike is 12 miles. How sad is THAT?! I didn't mean to change your analogy. I meant I feel like *I'm* at mile 16. Worst. Mile. Ever.
@ordinarybutloud - it's a tough mile. no matter which one it ends up being, you know it when you hit it. dig deep.
There's the "mutha" word of self-empowerment there.
@oceanstarr - i thought i had it all worked out too, for a nice long time. you're still in your 20s, is that right? heh. enjoy it while it lasts, punk.
hmmm...well what do you know? never thought i'd say this, but i kinda like being a grumpy old man.
Good on'ya. That 20 mile wall is a motha especially when there ain't nobody there cheering you on. Push thru and run on!
sugah pie honey bunch...
and.
the monkey played the fiddle on the sweet potato vine
(just heard that old song on a volkswagon commercial r-bear has on the television - brings back memories of jumping rope on the old school ground. in natchez.)
@be_the_rain - lea! what's happenin'? i heerd y'all finally gettin' some rain down there. any on your roof? hi to r-bear.
@be_the_rain - :)
@complicatedlight - yes child, sweet sweet rain. r-bear says hi back. he had me pulled in there listening to the television - he knows how to get me in there. turned up some dylan from all times back then, with brand new leopard skin pillbox hat and some highway 61 (which also runs through natchez, heh). anyway what i mean is i sorta got lost in the bob stuff for awhile. and with the customs smoke comin' right thru the vents, feels mighty fine with the rain falling gently.
You must really understand time when you're older. I'm now able to remember what I was doing 10 years ago!! Feels kinda weird
I miss people, or maybe the memories, but I don't mind them leaving. We all have different goals, new people to meet, places to go, and new adventures to seek! It seems strange that we should always be together
@dirty_sweater - yes. pick your time scale. everything is temporary. even the universe. and certainly our individual lives. the platitudes never change; our understanding of them does.
in a nutshell, yer probably stuck with me. for awhile anyway. p-bear.