March 30, 2012
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Greeley Versus the Appleheads
greeley started gettin’ into high voltage cause back in them days it was all tubes and tubes need lots of volts to run good so greeley built himself a big honkin’ 700 volt power supply and it ran them tubes of his real good but damn …them applehead ants sure did piss him off cause they were just plain MEAN like he’d just be sittin on the front porch readin’ a book mindin’ his own business and all of a sudden OUCH dammit there’d be one of them bigass appleheaded ants down there bitin’ the shit outta his ankle so greeley thought he’d fix those bastards too
appleheads – actual sizeso he tooked a pickle jar and put a lil hole in the middle of the lid and then runned two straight thin bare wires down through that hole straight to the bottom of that jar and then he put some sand in the bottom and then he went out to the horse pasture and added about six or seven applehead ants and then he tooked that jar back to his electronical shack and disconnected his power supply from them tubes what it normally runned and this time hooked it up through an old-fashion pushbutton switch instead so that 700 volts would race down them two wires in that jar hotter’n hell when he pushed that button
meantime them appleheads in that jar was mad as wet cats and they was all tryin’ to climb out to bite greeley but they couldn’t get no traction on the glass, see, and the only way they could climb out was by climbin’ up them two wires and so they was climbin’ them wires and bitin’ on ‘em too cause they was MEAN and this time they had a good excuse for a change so greeley he’d watch them ants bitin’ and scalin’ them wires and he’d wait till one of ‘em got a real good chomp down on one of them wires and made sure its legs was firmly hooked to both wires so when greeley held up that pushbutton switch like an old-fashioned photographer might and he pushed it and said “smile, you’re on candid camera!” you can just bet as fast as them ‘lectrons could zoom down them wires which is pretty fast i can tell you that…that appleheaded ant he becomed part of a big fat 700 volt circuit
now most times them appleheads would just blow up in a flash of light so’s afterwards the onliest thing left on the wires would be the head, still chompin’ down and just as mean as ever only dead now and smokin’ but see, the rest of the ant…ant legs and ant butt and them li’l ant antennas would be all blowed up and stuck all over the inside of the glass jar
but sometimes, now, them appleheads wouldn’t explode instead they’d start doin the herky-jerky on them wires i mean, they’d look almost natural ‘cept for the sparks comin’ out of they feets wherever they touched one of them wires but when greeley stopped pushin’ the button they didn’t move no more. till he pushed it again’ course, and then they’d start all a-movin’ again almost natural-like…’cept for…you know…
the sparks.
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heh. those were good days.
*goes to hell*
Comments (22)
bahahahahahaha…appleheads, actual size. excellent story. sounds…kinda…familiar.
Oh, Greeley and his shenanigans!
i don’t think greeley goes to hell for bbqing them bitey ants.
It only works with pickle jars from Chaska
boy… if that’s all it takes to go to hell…
clay was not more smart than greeley-all he had was a bent piece of glass- ‘an he figurd they was called fireants fur a reeson- so bein a nice sunny day, he sat on the curb by the side of the street a barbqun’ till his pants were full of all the cousins that shewd up fer the picnic- and discoved that hell was right there magnified on that there street…
well, maybe not so much right there as it was the road leadin’ there- worse when young clay got home and his mama hadda take down his pants to butter the buns~
‘an the distance ‘tween reel love-sharin’ and humor- i tells ya gree, they still thretin to overcome claygate
…dang misery still sittin’ here longin’ fer company…
The spell worked in the prescribed time-frame but what really got me happy was
his proof of casting. I worked with countless others over the years. No one has
ever make my situation change . He really knows his stuff and he’s ethical. He’s simply the best. If you’re going to have a spell cast of retrieving back your ex you might as well go to the best in the business freemercytemple@yahoo.com.
those mean fellers deserved to die. Greeley rocks.
I think I love Greeley a little.
or else!!! haha.
he should have made chocolate covered ants!
*goes to hell*
*persists in playing pranks, typically involving large amounts of
voltage surreptitiously being applied to pitch-forks and such*
*gets kicked out*
*God says, oh no, we’ve heard all about you buddy, we’re not
lettin you near those harps and all that gilded stuff, no way Jose*
*so with reluctance, a third domain is established; entry requirements
remain obscure and subject to speculation; rumours of defections from
the other realms, by certain personalities such as Nikolas Tesla, have been
vehemently denied by the Administration*…
@satanbane - the elusive third way! you’ll be there, right? i certainly hope so.
see you there old buddy…but didja know that hell was one big fire ant pile?
’tis true.
ha, leave it to a. to nail things. ~ how are you? your life must be changing because you’re never here anymore. ~ sitting out on the steps near my front door having a ciggie. i know. i’ll be patching again soon. but for now i’m enjoying the daylights out of my coffee with ciggie. yes i’m weaksauce. but what does it matter, you know i’m floating right now. anyway. what i meant to tell you is that there is a small magnolia tree across from where i’m sitting out there, and has never had magnolia flowers on it before. it is now covered with unfurled magnolia possibilities. every 4 or 5 inches ia a bloom and there must be at least 60 of them. ~ write us a new post, one that tells where your heart is right now. heh, yes only *me* would just say it outright. so dopesmack me, big guy. <3
^^^ I agree with her. <3
…If he goes to hell for that, it is ok, ’cause it is the sparks that make life interesting.
This was fun!
@storyslut - ;) bzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZ….*pop!*
Hahahaha that was pretty fantastic XD
Wonderful writing. love your use of dialect.