October 30, 2011
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Transcendent Doughball
Yep. I used to post. And I will again. But this Sunday, please indulge me in this reprise of a little old-fashioned, sappy, complicated, light.
It’s amazing how long it takes to work through the memory of a large character in ones life. I just woke up from a dream that ended with me on the bank of a creek, using a long pole to keep my father’s stiff, lifeless body from being carried down and away by the current. It was hopeless (but please read on, because this post is not).
What the hell is this thing called life? What is death?
Now there’s a couple of “Featured Questions” to work on for the duration, huh?
I’ve been looking for a handle on life since I came out of the Poppin’ Fresh Dough Machine. Lookin’ for that handle has bought me a lot of time, both good and bad. 25 years ago I faced death and ran like hell in the opposite direction. Since then I’ve had a lot more time to ask myself why I ran so hard. Until recently there always seemed to be a working answer. I’m not so sure there is any more. But that’s not a bad thing, see? I don’t think I would run so hard now. I might not run at all. I don’t think I’d need to.
A friend just posted something that ended with the thought that maybe all we really need is love.
Years ago I would have said, “All we need is WHAT? Oh come ON. Get with the program, you silly love songs. A sea slug can find a better handle than THAT.”
And so I kept looking for it.
And I kept running my hand across the massive inertial surface of this thing called life, tenuously drifting through the blackness with it, sure that eventually I’d find that handle. A few times I thought I’d found something, but as soon as I tried to grasp it, I realized it wasn’t a handle at all, but at best the smallest of convexities. Still, I kept searching.
At this point I’d like to report that I’ve been over this sphere-life-thing several times, with a fine-toothed comb.
There are no handles. And there is nothing else.
However, I have discovered a certain warm softness to it; a certain doughy pliability. I think, Instead of seeing myself as something separate and this lifeball as something to be managed, maybe the thing to do is simply press myself into it – to become one with the Pillsbury Doughball. Maybe I already am one with it. Maybe I always have been.
Anyway, I gotta tell you…this Pillsbury Doughball…I’m pretty sure it’s Love.
(doesn’t it just figure there are no love-handles?
I commented back to my dear friend that I hope love is all we need, because it’s certainly all we’ve got.
It might even be all there is. But I’m not quite there yet. I mean…I’m not sure how to fit Drakonskyr in there. And stuff.
So go ahead, Dad. Drift on. It’s all one Big Doughball.
Love
Comments (48)
Drak is Love in a dark dark place. A dark place that allows smoking.
Be the ball, P. Be the ball.
@girlForgetful - haha…ah, yes! and so my conjecture, even assaulted, still holds! *does monkey dance of sweet conjectural rockage*
ahem. thank you.
All we need is WHAT? Oh come ON!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WaBGR3CfLxA I mean, seriously, wtf. k.thnx.bye.
hmm i bet it would help me a lot if i had an attitude more like yours… i guess i could give it a try, huh?
@Peridot21 - trust me, i fall short of living this dream daily. but hey, it’s something to aim for.
Awesome piece of writing right here. I read it to the theme of the music, very trippy. Great analogies. And you’re right alas, there ARE NO HANDLES.
Keeps things exciting, I suppose.
@DivaJyoti - thanks, DJ. have a doughball. rock on.
@complicatedlight - yep, something to aim for.
*poke*
and some of us don’t even have love
@godfatherofgreenbay - not true. stick around. you’ll see.
What substitute for love fulfills one’s soul?
Curiosity is an open door,
Swung open to invite the unwary,
Will the door close behind you
when you are not looking back,
Or the distraction prevents
Full discovery?
The ball of flour so soft and nebulous
The baker’s hand so firm and in control,
yet when fully formed the doughboy
is released
Without a clue about what to do.
Tell me you blob of dough,
what is the oven to you?
“Isn’t that the fate of finished
doughboys?”
@Aloysius_son - you might be hinting at faith. which i have, though i wouldn’t exactly call my relationship with god “fulfilling” or even, at this point, personal. in the desert you use what you’ve got. if the big guy doesn’t accept B+ work, then i went to the wrong school.
@PPhilip - as for you, beware the moon. stick to the road.
very good post! love the idea of love…
@lvlylucia - it’s a tricky one, but what better to do with life than work on it.
we don’t only find love, we also add to it
everything is good, thanks for asking
@complicatedlight - i agree! love it!
haha, i love it. “see you keep to the main road”…whoooooooo, happy all hallow’s eve’s eve, my phil. <3
ps: a naked american man stole my balloon. ; )
@be_the_rain - LOL you got it. love that scene. and a happy hallow’s eve eve to you too, firebird.
pokes doughboy’s stomach. hehehe! opens oven door. let’s see what happens!! slides it in. sets timer backwards. forsure love is amazing, but its different depending on the type. Maybe for some it’s like a smile, for some it’s loneliness,, for others it’s action ‘n adventure, for some its touchy feely, and surely for some it’s everything.. Rather than love, we should just call it cheap screams ‘n thrills! It’d make it easier for some to understand maybe
ding ding. pulls out doughboy. poke poke. Hmm still mushy! Takes a bite anyways. Mmmm yummy! Rubs tummy. Personally, I like it lonely, scary, ‘n touchy feely!!
good headphone music
as for love, it needs to be more done
@twilike - i…
yeah. i got nuthin’.
…care for some butter on that?
@complicatedlight -
yes pweease! bites it. mm I leally rike it! tsss sss ssss. Hehehe haha
Grabs pizza sauce. Squirt squirt. Aaa fuck! I shot it all over your tummy! Licks it up. Grabs cheese and a hair dryer. Tosses the whole block on. Turns on hairdryer. It’s gonna take a sec. So are you gonna go trick or treating tonight? Or maybe go to a party and bite people? Oh wait, that’s me! Hehe!
Okay it looks like it’s done. Sorry ’bout the cheese dripping all over your webpage. There’s always gonna be some casualties, right? Let’s dig in! Wo wowowowoah! Where are you going? No silly!! we don’t need your shovel for this. Gosh!! Rips it in half. gives you some. LET’S EAT!!
ooo..the veil is thin.
Beautiful post. It reminds me I want to make gingerbread people this month.
@dirtbubble - mission accomplished! but as you know, it’s the 31st. SO GET MOVING
I am very confused. I love that.
yay the bear. love the bear.
love is all we have… true true…
we are who our parents taught us how to be, not necessarily what they taught us who to be… or something like that. the only change any of us know is just another thing we already know. it comes down to what we choose to ignore or embrace.. at any particular moment.. and if we’re paying attention.
Rec’d cos you’re awesome.
*insert cheesy statement about love here*
<3
Love isn’t all there is but it’s all that really matters.
@At_Sixes_And_Sevens - yeah, that pulse was…a couple hours was long enough for that thing.
@drawmafreezone - i tend to think structure itself has its origin in, and is driven by, joy and sorrow. and that everything in the universe, from quarks to quasars (and of course all obviously living things) experiences these two prime-movers in its own way.
@Amoralis - *like*
@complicatedlight - joy and sorrow can be powerful @Amoralis - Then I really am nobody from nowhere because my parents didn’t stick around long enough to teach me. Maybe they taught me to be ‘away’
but then I’m always here.
@drawmafreezone - can be and are.
That or life is more likely some stupid video game run by a higher intelligence. I’m sorry to hear of your father’s departure.
I’ve been thinking similar thoughts recently. Some say that the purpose is to find out the purpose, but I find that a little . . . self-referential.
May you find solace.
you rang? it basically said you posted. then i get over here, and nuthin’.
@be_the_rain - really? where? who been talkin’ bout me?
@complicatedlight - xanga told me. on my subs list you cropped up as …posting. unless…*drum roll* : you popped the timestamp. heh. but doesn’t much look like it, so, i’m not sure. anyway. hello, phil.
i edited an ollld post earlier, in case i go back to it. but i didn’t pop the timestamp or anything. oh well. you know xanga…
hi lea
Post something.
NOW. damnit.PLease? I want to read morrre of you.
Hei Perfesser, you saw the pendulum waves meme going around?
@johnnyrawlins - indeed. it’s a lot like spin phasing/dephasing in NMR/MRI.
super deep, even when you cover it all up with superficial-sounding verbiage. deepity, deep, deep, deep.
It’s so imponderable when people leave our lives, drift on. I feel that way about those who have gone on ahead of me.
I have come to a somewhat opposite conclusion though– love and doughballs are just transitory things, like life itself. We must do our best to be the best living creatures we can be, in our short time, but the whole of our existence is fundamentally meaningless. I abandon all hope and find a peace that is beyond all preconceptions. things just are. life just is. But we are much happier with the illusions of hope and love. At least for a short time.